“You are enough as you are” is perhaps one of the most powerful messages we can hear in life. How amazing is it, therefore, when we hear that from our friends and loved ones?

We All Need Acceptance

Life is full of reminders that we ‘should’ be something more – more wealthy, more relaxed, healthier, more caring, more professional, better parents, better employees… the list goes on. It can be exhausting to constantly feel like we’re not enough.

Which is why it is so important to tell the people in our lives that they are enough as they are. Make the world a kinder place by helping to take some of the pressure off!

The Power of Acceptance in Relationships

In relationships, acceptance is a fundamental need for both partners. It creates a safe and supportive space for individuals to be their authentic selves.

When we feel accepted, we are more likely to open up, communicate honestly, and build a stronger connection.

Without acceptance, relationships can become strained and emotionally challenging. If we feel that we constantly have to change, or hide parts of ourselves, it can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction.

I would go as far as to say that perhaps the single biggest reason most of us want a relationship is for acceptance – to know that we are OK in the eyes of someone else. It’s the ultimate validation.

Recognising Unconscious Judgements

In relationships, we often make unconscious judgements about our partners based on our own biases and expectations. For example, we may judge our partner’s behaviour as “selfish” or “lazy” without considering their perspective. Maybe we have been brought up to think that we have to work hard to be valuable, so when we see someone just enjoying sitting around and reading it can feel like it is challenging everything we know. We may feel a really strong need to challenge it.

Just remember that when we feel the need to change other people, that’s only because of our own insecurities. It’s not to do them a favour. It’s not to help them. It’s to alleviate our own discomfort.

Try looking out for when you want to roll your eyes, or when you feel frustrated or annoyed.

Or maybe you feel the need to talk about them without their knowledge?

These are often signs that you are judging your partner or friend, instead of accepting them.

You Don’t Have to Agree to Accept

Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. It’s possible to accept someone without necessarily agreeing with all their beliefs or opinions. Acceptance is about respecting and honouring our partner or friend’s perspectives, even if they differ from our own.

It can feel very uncomfortable, and sometimes we feel the need to argue the other person into agreeing with us, but with practice it becomes easier to sit with different ways of seeing the world.

The Dangers of Persistent Judgements in Relationships

Persistent judgements in relationships can erode trust, communication, and emotional connection. When we constantly judge our partners, it creates a toxic environment. That constant nagging, the snide remarks, the eye rolling, the ‘jokes’, the sighs of exasperation – these are all signs that you are judging your partner.

There are so many relationships out there, where people have fallen into these bad habits of judging each other and it can become a downward spiral. Once we get into the habit of judging, it becomes normalised. And then we start looking out for more and more opportunities to judge them because we get a little buzz from “catching them out” again. It becomes a competition about who can score the most points, who can judge the other person more.

And before you know it, the main communication between the two of you is passive aggression – never really communicating, just sniping and hurting each other.

Remember Why You Value Them

If you take a moment to think why this person is in your life, it’s not because you wanted someone to judge or change. It’s because you like them for who they are. They add value to your life through their difference; they bring something unique and special that you may not have. So why would you want to change that?

Acceptance is about appreciating the differences between us, not trying to make everyone the same.

How to Practise Acceptance in Your Everyday Interactions

Practising acceptance starts with self-awareness. Notice when judgement arises and consciously choose to replace it with acceptance. Ask yourself “is this judgement helpful?” and “how can I respond with acceptance instead?”. You have come up against a difference in how you see the world. That’s OK. If everyone saw the world the same way, it would be incredibly boring!

Noticing yourself doing it is the biggest hurdle, especially if you have already got into the habit of judging. With enough practice and effort, you will be able to catch it before the judgement reaches any form of expression.

Demonstrating Acceptance

It’s not enough just to avoid judgement – we also need to demonstrate it. We can help each other out by looking for times where the other person may be feeling inadequate or insecure, and offering reassurance. 

For example, if your partner is feeling stressed about work, you could say something like “I know how hard you work and how much you care about your job. I’m proud of you for doing your best.” This shows that you accept them as they are, and that you are there to support them.

Think Like A Team Player

When we are in a relationship, we are a team. We are on the same side. We are not competing against each other. We are working together to make our lives better. 

The team cohesion is more important than the details of whether you like the way someone does something or not. So when you feel the need to judge your partner, ask yourself “is this helping us as a team?”. 

If you’re judging them, then you’re likely to be the one damaging the team dynamic!

You Don’t Have To Accept Harmful Behaviour

As a final note, when we talk about acceptance, we mean accepting someone’s way of living and their way of seeing the world. That is not the same as accepting abusive or unpleasant behaviour that impacts on you.

If you are in a relationship where you feel unsafe, or where you are being harmed (physically or emotionally), then you do not have to accept that. You can leave, or you can ask for help. Acceptance is about accepting the person, not bad behaviour.