“Safe Space” is one of those stock phrases that gets handed down to coaches. It’s in the courses, the text books, the descriptions of our services and in the past it is often how I would start to describe what I offer clients. 

But it’s garbage. 

There is no such thing as a safe space, either in coaching or in DEI work. No one feels safer sharing their deepest vulnerabilities with a coach. They might feel seen and empowered, but not safer. Safe is cuddled up in bed. 

And what about in an HR environment, when people are encouraged to sit together in a ‘safe space’ to discuss how one of them offended or shamed the other? Hell no. That feels about as safe as that time I tried to re-light the barbecue by pouring a whole can of lighter fluid on it. 

What’s the alternative then?

Some coaches have started referring to a ‘Brave Space’. I guess that’s a bit better. At least it acknowledges that people are making themselves vulnerable and having to be brave in those environments. 

But, again, in coaching terms, we don’t always want to be brave. Sometimes we want to be nurtured. Sometimes we just need to change the way we are looking at things. Sometimes it’s good to realise that we are OK and enough just the way we are. 

And in an HR space, yes there is some bravery required when we are seeking conflict resolution, but it just feels wrong. People who experience microaggressions, unconscious bias and outright prejudice on a daily basis don’t need to be told that they need to be brave. They are already doing that. What they need is for other people to take some accountability. 

So ‘Brave Space’ can go the same way as Safe Space; in the bin.

For coaching, I am simply going to offer space. Space to reflect, space to change, space to explore why we do things we do, space to work out what really matters to us and space to work out who we want to become and how to get there.

For DEI work, it’s about Accountability Space. When developed as a mindset across an organisation it is called ‘Accountable Space’ – it’s a theme of personal accountability at all times in the organisation. 

When creating an Accountability Space to tackle a specific incident, such as biased internal report, the emphasis is on people taking personal responsibility for their actions. It’s shouldn’t be on the victims to be brave, or constructive, or less angry, or dampen down their hurt, or try to spare the discomfort of the aggressor. It should be about speaking truth, really listening and understanding, acknowledging pain, apologising and making changes so that things are better in the future.  

The real emphasis is on creating a better working relationship going forwards, rather than punishing an aggressor and putting the victim in the role of persecutor.

Accountability Space only works when there is a proper structure, when it’s run with skill and when there is some level of trust and true engagement in the process. When handled well, and entered into with an agenda of curiosity, empathy, self-awareness and change, it can be a growth experience where everyone comes out with a greater understanding of each other. 

It’s still going to suck, but at least the pain is short term and with a healthy outcome.

An accountability space recognises that harm is not always intentional and that people make mistakes. It focuses on healing, growth and understanding, rather than just punishment or exclusion. In this way, it is able to address and prevent micro-aggressions in a more effective and sustainable way.

When handled badly, however, it only makes things worse. If it feels more like someone has dragged you through a disciplinary process, ‘made you’ feel shame, over-reacted in your opinion and ruined your name in the company… then the last thing that you want to do is work with that person. That kind of broken HR process leaves everyone unsatisfied. It leaves people simmering with resentment, ready to engage in gossip, undermining, stonewalling and revenge. It’s toxic.

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a badly handled HR incident, you’ll know exactly what I mean.

What does that process look like in your work place?