Shaming is when we put others in the position of feeling that they are somehow deficient as a person, that they are not enough or are broken in some way. Shaming hits right at our self-worth.

This often happens when we refer to their body or their entirety as a person by labelling them. 

Shame is associated with decreased resilience and increased vulnerability to stress and anxiety. Shame can make it more difficult for us to deal with challenges, as we may become trapped in a negative cycle of self-doubt and self-criticism. Shame can be absolutely debilitating.

Negative labels that we throw at people to hurt them in the moment can stick with them for a lifetime, especially if they are vulnerable to those types of attack. 

Examples of shaming microaggressions:

• “You are so incompetent” – questions their entire ability, rather than something specific that they got wrong.
• “I don’t see colour” – hints that there is something wrong with seeing their colour or that you don’t recognise that non-white groups have a different experience.
• “You are so thin/fat” – directly judging them and always unsolicited commentary. 
• “Why can’t you just take a joke?” – implies that they don’t have a sense of humour, and that their feelings are invalid.
• “Why can’t you just be normal?” – implies that they are abnormal, and thus less worthy.
• “You are such a loser” – rips away at their self confidence.
• “Stop sitting around like a fat lump”  – I value people who are slim and hard working, therefore I do not value you.
• “You’ll never be as good as [someone else].” – no matter how hard you try, you will always be an inferior person.
• “Why do you waste your time with [hobby]?” – I don’t value your hobby. You make poor judgments and I want to hurt you by letting you know that.
• “You’re so lazy.” – I value hard workers, and therefore I don’t value you. I also want to punish you by letting you know that.
• “Grow up” – Your opinions are childish and not worth my serious consideration.
• “You would be pretty if you lost a few pounds” – I only value you for your looks. And your looks are inadequate for my satisfaction. 
• “You’re too old/young to wear that” – I am challenged by what you are wearing, so I am going to shame you instead. 
• “Why don’t you wear makeup?” – Your value is only in how you look to men. And you are falling short.
• “You should smile more” – my interpretation of your emotional state makes me uncomfortable, so I am going to shame you instead.
• “Your tattoos/piercings are unprofessional” – I have an opinion about what is professional and I am going to use that to shame you, regardless of how well you do your job.
• “You’re too thin/fat to wear that” – Your value is only linked to how you look, and you are falling short. 

With shaming microaggressions, it usually leaves the target nowhere to go. There’s no question that they can answer, or response that they can give; it is simply something that makes them feel smaller, inadequate or broken. 

Do you have any more examples of shaming microaggressions that people have used against you?