Microaggressions that cause embarrassment are usually focused on displaying disapproval of someone’s actions or choices. These are the microaggressions that take us straight back to feeling like a naughty child and someone has just told us off. 

This hits hard because we are adults and expect to be treated as adults. So when other people show disapproval, especially uninvited, it can cause embarrassment and/or anger at being treated that way. No one likes being judged. 

In terms of power dynamics, these microaggressions are often about placing ourselves above other people through criticism. We highlight their mistakes and imperfections to place them below us. It puts us in the position of the judge, and them as the defendant.

Embarrassment microaggressions often appear in a group context; they gain additional power from the fact that there are multiple witnesses. It’s one thing to be mocked by someone, but it’s much worse when other people see it too.

We often think of embarrassment as mildly funny, and it can indeed be humorous when we apply it to ourselves. However, when other people attempt to put us into a position of embarrassment it feels quite different. When someone else is deliberately trying to shake our social standing it often feels aggressive and very unwelcome.

Examples of embarrassment microaggressions:

• Correcting someone’s grammar in a group email
• Beeping your car horn aggressively as public display of disapproval
• Tutting  – non-verbal disapproval, with no opportunity for challenge.
• Making fun of someone’s clothing or personal style
• Asking intrusive questions in front of others
• Bringing up embarrassing stories from someone’s past
• Imitating someone’s gestures or mannerisms

Generally this kind of microaggression doesn’t have too much long term impact like shaming, devaluing or excluding microaggressions. The embarrassment passes (eventually). 

When leaders engage in embarrassing their staff it is toxic to morale because they carry authority and staff don’t usually have power to retaliate or challenge them on it. It just becomes bullying.

When was the last time you felt embarrassed by something someone else said?