It’s that time of year when we buy sticks. You know, those sticks that we beat ourselves with. 

And no, I’m not talking about the fun kind like Finnish branch beating in a sauna. I’m talking about gym challenges, detox courses and anything based on ‘New year, new me’ resolutions. 

These are the sticks that we beat ourselves up with. And there’s no winning; we beat ourselves with them whether we complete our detox course or whether we don’t. We often buy these things based on a need to punish ourselves, or at best to discipline ourselves. 

It’s rare that we buy a detox course or a new membership because we are thinking “I am going to nourish myself with this”. 

Instead, we arrive there on the basis of “I can’t believe how I’ve been eating over the last two months, it’s disgusting. I’m letting myself down. I need something to shock me back into eating healthily and exercising. I don’t want to have to think about it, I just need someone to tell me what to do. I need structure and discipline”. 

But what are we setting ourselves up for? A beating. If we stick to the gym challenge or detox course, it’s going to hurt. It’s going to involve stress, lots of willpower, emotional energy, and plenty of lifestyle changes. We are essentially beating ourselves up for six weeks. 

And if we give up, or sack off the gym, then what? It’s actually worse. Not only have we possibly paid for a thing to punish ourselves, we can now also beat ourselves up for being a failure, for not valuing ourselves enough, for not being disciplined, for failing to even hit the first goal of the year. 

So whether we do or don’t, we still beat ourselves up with it. Often both.

And does it work? Maybe. I am sure that there are some people out there for whom these bursts of self-flagellation provide meaningful long term changes to their health and wellbeing. I just haven’t met them yet. 

It’s certainly never worked for me. In the past I have paid for online training courses, taken part in ‘get a six pack in six weeks’ challenges, tried a ‘10,000 kettlebell swings in a month’ challenge and so on. I don’t think that I have completed any of them because they were too miserable. And then I had the added benefit of being miserable afterwards for being someone who can’t finish anything. 

What’s the healthy alternative? For me it’s about working out where I want to go and then working out who I need to become to get there. What small habits do I need to change? What mindset and thinking do I need to challenge and change? What new skills do I need to develop? And who do I need in my life to make it easier?

For example, here are some example answers I might give if I feel that I have been eating unhealthily over the holidays:

Where do I want to be in the future? I want to be eating healthily most of the time, but without developing an unhealthy relationship with food. 

Who do I need to become to make that happen? I will be someone who doesn’t view food as a reward system. I will eat healthy food because it is natural to do so, without requiring willpower. 

What small habits do I need to change? I will plan my meals in advance and I will stock up with healthier food during the Saturday big shop so that I don’t have to choose food during the week when I am tired and hungry. I will start carrying a healthy snack with me, such as walnuts, so that I don’t reach for junk food. 

What mindset and thinking do I need to challenge and change? I will stop thinking about junk food as treats. I will think about how food nourishes me or doesn’t. I will stop using food as a reward system. I will treat this like an ongoing experiment to discover what works for me, and what doesn’t, so it takes the pressure off and I can be kind to myself.

What new skills do I need to develop?  I will learn four new recipes for super healthy meals that I enjoy eating and can cook fast and easily. 

Who do I need in my life to make it easier? I will stop eating around friends who don’t eat healthily – no more meals out with them – and will meet them for non-food related activities instead. I will make friends with people who think the way that I want to think. I will get a coach/PT/counsellor to help me work this through in a healthy way.

It’s definitely not as easy as just paying for a six week detox course… but it’s a lot kinder and a lot more likely to result in long term change.